預備妥當，但措手不及

默想安鵬浩神父的死亡
（安神父殯葬感恩禮中的講道詞）
菲律賓Lingayen-Dagupan教區 X Socrates B. Villegas 總主教
2013年1月17日在馬尼拉蒙撒拉之后（Our Lady of Montserrat）會院

英文版

　　除了安鵬浩神父自己以外，凡認識安神父的人聽到他1月9日早晨猝逝的消息時，都極為震驚！安神父信從並活出保祿致得撒洛尼人前書中所說的，「你們確實知道，主的日子要像夜間盜賊一樣來到」。當死亡姊妹來攫取他的生命時，他並沒有掙扎；死亡姊妹前來擁抱安神父，安神父也以喜樂及平安擁抱了她，像對待最好的朋友。對安神父來說，死亡並非盜賊，而是朋友，安神父總是預備好死亡；作為司鐸、隱修士、老師及菲律賓人，他早已熟悉死亡。

　　安神父總是預備好死亡。主召叫他：「來跟隨我……與我一同死亡」，如同若望和伯多祿，安德和雅各伯，安神父聽見了「跟隨我」的召叫。當他離開家庭和所愛的人們，進入「蒙撒拉之后」隱修院時，便已經死去。在初學院，他一次又一次的死去。他死於修道院斗室內的祈禱和孤寂中，並且無計其數地祭獻了自己。在徹底謙遜地服從院長和長上的洞察力中，他一而再地死於自己。

　　他原本想攻讀教會法，但長上要他專攻禮儀，他服從了，再一次死於自我。在羅馬，身為學生、教授，和安瑟莫禮儀學院的校長，他死於孤寂和鄉愁。當他身為院長及校長的使命完結之時，他放下名望和頭銜，回歸隱修士的本色，活在服從當中。

　　他相當習慣死於自我，因此當他回到故鄉菲律賓，又一次死於自我，背起十字架跟隨主的召叫。聖伯達學院校長的職務，擾亂了隱修生活的規律，但他仍服從命令。獻身於保祿六世禮儀學院，他再次死去，遠離了學術的誘惑。他是祈禱的導師。他是禮儀本地化的大師。對那些前來坐在他腳邊聽講，敬畏他澄澈智慧的人來說，他就是基督。他的表達簡明俐落，能將事情解釋透徹。他詼諧風趣，總是受人尊敬，也尊重他人。

　　他經歷過數以千計的死亡，死亡是他的朋友，祭獻是他的孿生兄弟。他精於苦中作樂的藝術。對那些忽略他，猜忌他，甚至棄他如敝屣的人，他以英雄之愛回報。在風暴中，他能唱「母后萬福」（Salve Regina，恭賀母皇歌，申爾福歌）；而「阿肋路亞」的歡呼聲，更響徹他靈魂的黑夜。

　　安神父早已預備好死亡：隨時！隨地！他懷著信德及喜悅，擁抱每個死亡的契機。

　　但他的死卻讓我們措手不及。我們還沒有準備好讓他死去、讓他離開。我們哽咽、哀嘆、淚眼模糊，難以承受他的離去。1月9日他離去的震撼轉為痛苦和悲傷。我們在痛苦中不禁要問：「我的天主，我的天主，?為什麼捨棄了我們？」「看！海中起了大風浪，眼看船就要覆沒了，但耶穌卻睡著了。」主，?正在沈睡嗎？少了我們的導師安神父，馬雷巴雷（Malaybalay）的保祿六世禮儀學院，和教會的禮儀培育事務，都面臨著波濤洶湧的航程。他的死真令我們害怕。

　　工作尚未完成，等待我們接手的遠比已經完成的多得多。安神父的行事曆排滿了為司鐸、會士及教理講授員舉辦的禮儀研討會。保祿六世禮儀學院現在成了孤兒，她的創辦人無法取代，也不會再有第二個。仍有許多避靜要帶領，許多研討會要舉辦，許多書要寫。安神父預備好了，但我們沒有預備好。

　　安神父生命的最後一課非關禮儀。他終極以及最後的教導是「逾越」——準備好死亡，並且已經死過無數次。禮儀是基督聖死及復活的紀念。這非關禮規及新版彌撒經書，非關禮儀歷史概觀或語言學的大師們，非關常態或非常態的禮儀形式；禮儀是基督，真正的禮儀使我們全都與基督為友。主說，你們是我的朋友。

　　真正的禮儀學者必須預備好分享基督的死亡。禮儀學者是死亡姊妹及新生弟兄的朋友。當禮儀分享了耶穌的死亡，禮儀便成為生命的給予。禮儀的生命是基督自己。安神父一直按照這教導生活。

　　安神父，您總是預備好死亡。請教給我們同樣的勇氣、信德及望德。我們從未預備好看著您離開。雖然十分艱難，但我們仍要在主內好好生活。您的死亡是我們的死亡。請在主前為我們祈禱，使我們準備好迎接死亡姊妹的擁抱，正如您在1月9日教給我們的，死亡並非盜賊，而是朋友。

　　天主忠信的好司鐸，安息吧！在主內，與主一同安息！

X Socrates B. Villegas
Archbishop of Lingayen-Dagupan

READY BUT NOT READY
Meditation on the death of Father Anscar Chupungco, OSB on the occasion of his funeral Mass on January 17, 2013 at the Abbey of Our Lady of Montserrat, Mendiola, Manila

Everybody who knew Father Anscar was shocked about the news we heard about him in the morning of January 9. Everybody except Father Anscar! He lived believing the words of Paul to the Thessalonians “For you yourselves know full well that the day of the Lord will come just like a thief in the night.” There were no signs of struggle when Sister Death came to fetch him. Sister Death came to embrace Father Anscar and Father Anscar returned the embrace with fondness and joy and peace like best friends forever. Death was not a thief. Death was a friend for Father Anscar. Father Anscar was always ready to die. He was so used to dying all these years as a priest, as a monk, as a teacher, as a Filipino.

Father Anscar was always ready to die. He was called by God “Come followe…come die with me!” Like John and Peter, Andrew and James, Jose Herminio Chupungco heard the call “Follow me.” He died when he left home and family and loved ones in order to enter the Abbey of Our Lady of Montserrat. He died in the novitiate many times over and over. He died in his cell in prayer and solitude and sacrifice for an infinite number of times. He died many times in the chapter room of the abbey submitting himself in blind humble obedience to the iscernment of his abbot and prior.

When he wanted to study canon law but instead was told to study liturgy, he died again. He died fighting loneliness and nostalgia in Rome as a student, as a professor and as President of the Anselmianum. When it was time to wind up his mission as university rector and president, he willingly died and laid down his prestigious title and returned to his cell as a regular monk under obedience.

He was so used to dying so that when he came home as a Filipino to his beloved native land, it became another call to die, to let go, to carry the cross and follow the Lord. Becoming President of San Beda disturbed his monastic discipline but he said Amen to the mandate. Living his life and dedicating himself to the Paul VI Institute of Liturgy, he was again asked to die to live in detachment far away from the glamour of the academe. He was a guru in prayer. He was a master of liturgical inculturation. He was Christ for everyone who came to sit by his feet to be awed by the clarity of his wisdom. He was crisp with his expressions. He was clear in his explanations. He was witty and funny but ever respectable and respectful.

He has died a thousand times. Dying was his friend. Sacrifice was his twin. He had mastered the art of happiness in darkness. He repaid with heroic charity those who ignored him and suspected him and sent him to the dust bin. He could sing his Salve Regina in the storm and shout aloud his alleluia through the dark nights of his soul.

Father Anscar was ready to die. Anytime! Anywhere! Every chance to die he embraced with faith and smile.

But we, we were not ready to let him die. We were not ready to let him go. Our throats choke. Our chests are heavy. Our eyes are blurred by tears because we are not ready to let him go. The shock of January 9 has turned to sorrow and grief. The sorrow is turning into question “My God my God why have you forsaken us?” “And behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being covered with the waves; but Jesus Himself was asleep”. Lord, are you sleeping? We see a rough sailing for the PIL in Malaybalay and for liturgical formation in the Church without our guru Father Anscar. His death makes us afraid.

The work is not done. Much more remains to be done than what we have actually succeeded in doing. The schedule is full for the various liturgical formation seminars for priests and religious and catechists. The Paul VI Institute of Liturgy is now orphaned and its founder is irreplaceable and “unclonable”. There are still many retreats to be preached and more conferences to give and more books to write. We are not ready. Father Anscar was ready and we are not.

The final lesson of Father Anscar’s life is not liturgical after all. His final and last teaching act was paschal-to be ready to die and to die a thousand times! Liturgy is the memorial of the dying and rising of Christ. It is not about rubrics and new missals. It is not about historical overviews or linguistic masteries. It is not ordinary or extraordinary forms. Liturgy is Christ and real liturgy must make all of us friends of Christ. You are my friends says the Lord.

The real liturgist must be ready to share in the dying of Christ. The liturgist is a friend of Sister Death and Brother New Life. It is when liturgy is sharing in the dying of Jesus that liturgy becomes life giving. The life of the liturgy is Jesus himself. Father Anscar lived by that lesson.

Father Anscar, you were always ready to die. Teach us the same lesson of courage and faith and hope. We will never be ready to see you go. It is hard but we continue to live in Christ. Your dying is our dying. Pray for us to God to make us ready when death comes to embrace us for you have taught us last January 9 that death is not a thief but a friend.

Rest now good and faithful priest of God! Rest in God. Rest with God.

X Socrates B. Villegas
Archbishop of Lingayen-Dagupan